>As these last few days at the University of North Carolina Wilmington wind down for me, I’m starting to feel a little sentimental about the whole college thing coming to an end. Slightly, that is. While I’m far from no longer being angry about the high school kids in their brand new 4Runners and BMWs, college students who wear their hair in Rastafarian-like dreadlocks and trek shoeless from class to class across campus, or old people who wear belts with fish on them and just don’t give a shit about anything, I’ve learned to let it go. I just shake my head and go on my merry way when I see sights like these. I do much the same with the conservative Christian-types driving their minivans and Ford Mastadon luxury semi trucks who daylily almost hit me as I ride my bike past the Salt Shaker Christian bookstore on Kerr Avenue on my way home from class. They’re too blind to the world around them to worry about people on bikes. Besides, most can’t even see bicyclists on the road since their monster trucks sit so fucking high off the ground. They could practically rip a whole in the ozone just by reaching their scented lotioned hands out the sunroof (not that the effort would be necessary since their vehicle’s exhaust does the job just fine). Besides that even further, why should they care since they’re just trying to get to a Christian bookstore in time to chat with “Billy’s Mom” over sweet tea and Dr. James Dobson self-help books … Jesus will surely be on their side come judgment day. All they have to do is say I and all bicyclists are hippies who worship Al Gore’s three chins.
Shit – another negative tangent.
Really, there are some things I’m going to miss about UNCW … the sound of the clock tower playing the strange song that no one knows every day at noon, the oddly-shaped urinals in the bathroom of the Warwick Center that make me wonder if they’re for pissing more rinsing off vegetables, making smartass remarks to the overly-dedicated parking ticket people as I stroll by them, the Pepsi machines that all team up once a week and decide not to take dollar bills, Mike Wentworth grinning strangely as he rides his creepy bike like he’s the ratty old woman who steals Toto at the beginning of the Wizard of Oz. I actually got a little reminiscent the other day as I jogged by the place where you get student IDs and thought about my first full day on campus. It was so hot to this Western New Yorker and the line going inside stretched clear out the door. I sweated my balls off as I waited and watched what looked to be an endless supply of hot, half-naked women stroll, drive and bounce throughout the area. A blind guy could have seen what a great deal male UNCW students had, I thought. These girls were gorgeous.
Eventually I realized they were all pretty fucking stupid, though. Some of the same girls who would pass me on the sidewalk wearing skimpy halter tops beneath sunny blonde hair and faces made of gold were the ones who didn’t know what verbs, nouns and adjectives were as junior English majors. I’d see these broads scamper across parking lots with cell phones attached to their ears and climb into SUVs, BMWs, Mercedes’, Land Rovers and Cadillacs – all with stickers of logos I’d never seen before stuck to their windows – and just get sick. Last year I noticed these creatures started toting really weird things around with them like monogrammed book bags, 180-dollar sunglasses with electric bolts on the side, and rubber rain boots. It eventually hit a point where I was detested seeing these otherwise hot brainless vaginas and started to like fat girls. Not really. But I wouldn’t have been surprised if I did.
To be quite honest, looking back on it all, I don’t know how much I really am going to miss UNCW. I think it’s a great school with a beautiful campus. The buildings are really pretty; they’re doing a good job maintaining its rustic, plantation-looking appearance as they expand the campus and put more up. All my professors were great, knowledgeable, enthusiastic and helpful. I know my degree from the place is going to be of a much higher status in another ten years just because of the reputation UNCW’s getting. It’s definitely not the actual school that makes me say I’d never send my kids to the place, but the majority of its student body.
Time pending, I’ll continue this tomorrow. I have to go to bed tonight though – I have much more to say on this.