>Voting for the lesser of two evils

>Fucking politicians. Once again, I voted for the lesser of two evils – the guy who sucks less. That takes the patriotism out of what is traditionally held as the most important civic duty in America.

Why can’t Edward Abbey just come back from the dead and run for president so I can actually like the person I cast a vote for?

Oh, that’s right – even if John Wayne did come back from the dead and bring Edward Abbey back from the dead, Abbey wouldn’t run because he hated politicians too.

About two years ago, I read Sen. Barack Obama’s first autobiographical-type book. I don’t even remember the name of it and quite frankly, I’m not ashamed to admit so. I was enthralled by it. I loved his story. I admired him for the adversity he overcame to attain whatever success he had. I was almost sold.

Of course, I also read Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee’s book as well as Sen. Joe Biden’s. I did not read Gov. Sarah Palin’s because a) I did not know at the time that hicks from Alaska could read, and b) I had no idea who the Hell Sarah Palin was, nor would I have cared had I known. Not to talk down about Palin … oh, wait – I full-heartedly mean to talk down about Palin since she very clearly hijacked McCain’s campaign.

Anyway, back to Obama’s book. My, oh my, how he was strayed from the principles he wrote about during his campaign – gone is the man who was interested in learning about and from other peoples, gone is the man who was driven by preserving the natural beauty of our nation’s landscape. As he battled through primary election and squabbled with McCain, he catered to Independents who were turned off by these priorities of his that shined so eloquently to me in his book – he pacified them to earn their vote, and in the process, made me wonder if he really was just a smooth talker motivated only by poll numbers.

He began to strike me, more and more every day, as a car salesman.

I already hate politicians and lawyers, and only do not include car salesmen on this list because I don’t buy cars … three strikes right there for Sen. Obama. But here comes McCain. Did you know he is a Vietnam veteran who spent oodles of time in a prison camp somewhere in Asia? If you didn’t, first of all, crawl out from under that rock (don’t worry – the election’s almost over), then turn on the TV – you’ll probably hear about it within two minutes. While McCain’s war record is admirable, it’s not a reason for people to vote for him. People do some crazy things when their life’s on the line and they’re practically delusional – I bet a lot of Americans could pull off the same accomplishment this military school dunce did.

Still, this war record and self-dubbing as a “maverick” remains the backbone of McCain’s campaign. The Democrat in me cries out to hear what McCain would do to help poor, urban-dwelling kids in the lesser-known slums (in cities less than 50,000 – there are many places like these and they continually get overlooked) whose parents are too busy working two or three jobs to teach them about safe sex, while the Republican side wonders how much effort is too much. We can’t cure a problem like this with money, so why bother?

Ah, money. Something I know little about. I was told when I was hired by Freedom that I had a 401(k). And that’s all I know about my retirement. I don’t know how my health insurance works, have never made any real effort to balance my check book and have definitely never looked at how any stocks are doing. Look, you want to save money? Don’t spend it. You’re mad because your mortgage fell through? Get a smaller house and get rid of the $40,000 gas guzzler in the driveway. That’s my financial advice – end of story.

In light of this information about me, you can see what a slight rat’s ass I give about our failing economy. I know it’s tough to imagine, but there have been several ancient civilizations that have thrived without watching a giant screen at the New York Stock Exchange. Suck it up.

But I do think we need to take a second look at our capitalistic society in America. We pride ourselves on it – cars, homes and excess our symbols of success in this life – and now it’s killing us. Take Obama for instance. Information has come to light that he’s funded the majority of his most-expensive-ever campaign through huge donations from corporate America. You think these corporations are doing this out of the goodness of their hearts? Ear mark, people. Ear mark. He’ll pay these corporations back when he’s president – I assure you of this. And we’ll foot the bill.

Is this his fault? Nope. It’s ours. WE made these corporations strong. These corporations got strong and our now strong enough to purchase the government thanks to the ideology of capitalism. Apply this same ideology to middle class America: capitalism is indirectly responsible for recent gas price spikes, too. Big cars we buy because we’re successful don’t run on warm feelings and friendly smiles. You guessed it: they run on gas – and a damn lot of it, too.

Capitalism is the reason I refuse to register as a Republican, and further, why I don’t like John McCain. He and his following are in love with it – they cloak themselves in it figuratively when they drape themselves in the American flag literally. Do something to distribute people’s wealth? That’s socialism – it’s not even American. Yet, because distributing America’s wealth to, say, programs that help poor, urban-dwelling kids in cities with less than 50,000 people goes against the capitalistic cloak his followers wear, he, like other Republican candidates, will never make any significant effort in doing so.

Meanwhile, the teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease rates continue to rise nationwide … but don’t take our right to own a Mercedes SUV away, whatever you do.

Speaking of not taking things away, let’s clear something up: it is a myth that anyone’s going to take America’s guns away. No politician will ever outlaw guns. Know why? Because we tried that with drugs, and look where it got us. Outlawing firearms may seem like a good idea to some, such as with drugs, but it’s just impossible. If we outlawed guns, all we’d do is put an end to hunting. Gang bangers will still be shooting each other up (as well as 12-year-old trick-or-treaters in Sumter, S.C.). No one will ever try to take your guns away.

While we’re at it, let’s employ the same principle to abortion. Don’t like abortion? Don’t have one. End of story – now shut up and move on to the issues you hear about outside of church. I take a stance on abortion that’s far more extensive than most conservatives in that I do not think they should be allowed under ANY circumstances. But I would never let this stance impact who I vote for.

Now that it’s been established that I do not like either of the presidential candidates, let me tell you a short bit about how I feel regarding their running mates. It should be clear that I do not like Palin by now, so let’s talk about Biden. He’s a buffoon. I have never heard of a potential vice president guaranteeing a rocky relationship with his potential boss more than Biden. I loved the guy two years ago – in fact, I supported him right off the bat due to his hard-nosed, straight-shooting talk of his Rust Belt background – but that’s taken a sharp nose dive in the last two weeks. Obama’s got a good chance of being fatally attacked by some gung-ho white supremacist should he win, and McCain will probably start decaying next year (assuming he overcomes his upcoming bout with Alzheimer’s). So who’s better, Palin or Biden?

Biden.

However, when it came time to pull that lever, I cast my vote for the McCain/Palin ticket. I decided to take my chances with his old age and will simply turn to Jesus should Palin become our president. But I trust McCain more than Obama. Obama has better ideas, but I’m not sure he’ll follow through with them. Plus he strikes me as a tacky salesman.

At least if McCain gets elected and sucks it up, I won’t be able to say I couldn’t see it coming. After these last eight years (four, in particular), I’m sick and tired of unpleasant surprises.

I wish Edward Abbey were here to give me something to believe in.

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