The Trash effect

Kalista’s been such a turd lately. Thought it was just the way she acted at home, around me, because that’s the environment she’s most comfortable in, but this evening I heard a teacher at school tell her she was being mean when I went to pick her up.

I’m beginning to wonder if agreeing to give her mom visitation – granted, it’s about as tight as it gets – is having a negative impact on Kalista. Kalista’s been preoccupied with an internal struggle of some kind. The last month, since her mother has been seeing her for three hours every other Saturday at the public library with me supervising, Kalista’s had trouble sleeping and I’ve heard her conversing with herself.

“Mommy loves me.” “Babycakes loves me.” “Papaw loves me.” She says these things as if she’s trying to convince herself.

And why not. They have not seen her in months, voluntarily, I should add, and her mother just one day decides she’d like to see her from time to time after being gone for seven months.

Kalista had written her off. She was content, knowing she had me, and understanding we’d be just fine by ourselves. But Trash is back again, and now Kalista’s questioning the security she’d found.

Can’t blame her, either. Her mother tells her she loves her, so do her grandparents … but is that how someone loves someone? Kalista, in turn, isn’t sure what the Hell love is at this point, I’d imagine.

And her development has hindered because of it. There’s so much going on in her head because of the curveball Trash has thrown at her, there’s really not much room for her to be herself anymore.

Oh well. I agreed to it the last time we were in court. Premature on my part? You betcha. But it will work out in the end, I suppose – Mommy’s court date for felony possession of cocaine is in early February – right about the time she’s due for her second child.

Hopefully, she won’t show for court due to just having the new baby, Kalista’s replacement, I presume. I hope the judge wises up to the kind of petty criminal Trash is, gives her new kid to D.S.S. and sentences Trash to the maximum 4 to 5 month jail term.

It would be the best thing for Kalista.

And the tax-paying society.

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