Earlier this evening I stumbled upon an article pertaining to Pat Robertson’s comments regarding Haiti.

For those of you who don’t know, Pat Robertson’s that guy who uses one of those “extra” channels on cable to say whatever he wants – no matter how random or out of touch they may be with the world passing by him at a speed apparently way to fast for him to keep track – in order to get a bunch of old people excited.

(I say it’s an “extra” channel because I believe in my heart of hearts that no one actually watches it intentionally. In college, for instance, I’d wake to the afternoon light to find my living room TV turned onto a channel like this after a night of being hammered.)

He said something to the effect of “it’s Haiti’s fault it got hit with an earthquake … God’s wrath … Blah blah blah … I’m a dumb ass.” Heard about it several days ago, but am just spouting off about it now. Guess I’ve been lazy.

Anyway, I’ve seen Robertson on this 007 Club program in my drunkest of states. And I’ve perceived him as an idiot. Can’t say I’ve ever tuned in intentionally. If I can tell he’s an idiot when I’m wasted, I’m a very good drunk.

Or he really is an idiot.

Which would partly explain most clearly why Robertson made these comments. Finally, someone other than Maude and Claude has acknowledged he exists. Now 86 people know what that 007 program is and 8.6 actually give a damn about his day‘s work.

I bet the ratings went up for a 29 minutes after he was called out by the part of the media that matters for being senile. On second thought, was this officially diagnosed as a product of his senility or am I the only one who did that?

Moving on. Pat Robertson is the exact reason why people hate America. Well, he’s the exact reason why people hate 50 percent of the Americans who are hated. Make sense? No? I’ll clarify.

Anytime someone invokes Jesus or a flavor of Jesus to justify a catastrophe, he or she gives Christianity a bad name. Sadly, I know – also in my heart of hearts – there are people who buy into what Robertson is saying.

They are the people who have contributed 0 dollars and 0 cents to the relief effort. They are the people who have Ku Klux Klan outfits hanging within a clear plastic case loaded with moth balls in their bedroom closet. They are the people who go to church at a place with the word “missionary” tucked in front of its name.

And they give Christians a horrible, horrible name. So horrible, in fact, that they become America’s “majority” in the eyes of people who have the nerve to wear cloth garments on their heads.

Oddly enough, the ideology of people like this – both their religious fanaticism and misguided patriotism – is what lures terrorists to this country. They are the inspiration for these acts – not vegan hippies out in California. Yet, these “real Americans,” as they tend to label themselves, are the people whose lives stop on a dime when Fox News’ terror alert level jumps to fuchsia – a move that, I’m positive of, is encouraged by Sr. Robertson.

My hope for Pat Robertson is that he burns to death at a Klan rally fire after a burning cross gets out of control. Or that he’s the lone victim of a fatal crash consisting of his Mercedes and an oil refinery.

Or, in the spirit of being humane, he just keeps his uninformed mouth shut.

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