How much is that toddler in the window …

 So according to Greenwood Today – a local online medium at – the fire department had to be called to a department store to release a toddler from one of those games where you put in a quarter and try to pick up candy/toys/toddlers with a mechanical claw.

He is 3.

The boy’s sister had enticed him to climb inside the machine in an apparent attempt to get candy/toys/toddlers. Their parents, reports state, were found near the “back” of the store (one can only assume the machine was at the front).

Look at the picture posted on The boy is terrified; the woman taking the cell phone photo appears in the machine’s reflection to be laughing. May we presume the behemoth next to her is the proud mother?

Sure. Why not.

If I were an asshole, I’d say this photo – minus the women in the reflection – would make a terrific editorial cartoon. Any person who leaves a 3-year-old alone in a store as public and sure-to-attract-riffraff as Big Lots is likely a wellie looking for furniture to buy with his or her tax refund. This may sound harsh, but it’s actually the nicest thing that could be said about a parent so neglectful. Besides – the entire paragraph is borderline hypothetical since I started it off with “If I were an asshole, I’d say … ”

I’m not an asshole today. So I’m not actually saying this woman’s likely a wellie.

Anyway, I could see this boy hand-drawn in the machine as he is in the photo, except with a scruffy guy labeled “American taxpayer” putting a quarter in the machine. The boy, meanwhile, would be clutching the claw inside like the candy his sister tried to teach him to steal in Big Lots Wednesday night. In turn, “The American taxpayer” would have no choice but to make the child his own.

Glad I’m not an asshole.

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