Students practically hanged for criticizing teachers

COLUMBIA, S.C. – Nearly 38 million American students – kindergarten through 12th grade – will face disciplinary actions by their respective schools for allegedly being critical of their teachers and expressing opinions about them.

The little bastards who went so far as to blog about it face the most severe punishment.

“It all started with the Natalie Munroe case,” said random South Carolina official Hikki Naley of the Pennsylvania teacher whose personal blog made national news after people found out she made condescending-but-true remarks about her students, who all eventually proved Munroe’s point in subsequent news coverage.

One Central Bucks East student said at a rally intended to boost school spirit Sunday Munroe had freedom of speech. Then he said something else – something about her using it incorrectly – that none of his disengaged classmates comprehended.

It was hard to follow his logic.  

Anyway, Naley said Munroe’s eventual suspension from her role as a 10th-grade teacher “got (her) to thinking” students who say unflattering things about teachers should be punished as well.

Naley’s state is known for doing things that seem American to fellow red states but make little to no sense to the rest of the world and perhaps the entire solar system. By taking the lead in a nationwide effort to crack down on students making fun of their teachers, South Carolina’s 150-year pattern of being absolutely ridiculous continues.

Just this past month, for instance, Haley mentioned something about “states’ rights” on national television.

“What we’re doing in South Carolina is taking money that had been set aside for classroom supplies and using it to pay all the teachers we’ll need to oversee the extra detentions and in-school suspensions,” Naley said. “We were going to make students come in and serve their punishments on teacher in-service days, but we already cut those out of the budget since they’re about as unconstitutional as those tax-free weekends for energy efficient appliances.

 The Palmetto State has had tax-free weekends for guns and ammunition since 2008, “but that’s another story,” Naley said.

Naley added deciding what students were guilty of insulting their teachers was “easy,” since it was assumed 100 percent of pupils younger than 18 have done this at one time or another. Those discovered to have committed the offense via blog or social networking website were sentenced to ISS; everyone else got a night of detention.

“That’ll learn ‘em,” Naley said. “Just like the communist teacher from Up North, they have got to understand criticism is only okay when it’s said behind someone’s back.

“It’s in the Bible.”

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