A poll of toddlers in 50 3/4 states has listed Florida as the least-desired state in the nation to live, Highlights magazine announced Tuesday.
The findings – described as “preliminary” by the 60-year-old children’s publication – came from on-the-spot questioning conducted nationwide 24 to 58 minutes after Casey Anthony was found not guilty of murdering her 2-year-old daughter. Highlights posted the results on its face book page.
“I used to want to live there because that’s where Disney World and dolphins live,” Kwan Doe, 3, said. “But they let parents kill their children there. Now I’d rather live in Joplin, Missouri.”
Apparently participants in Puerto Rico, Cuba and Mexico – which have limited plumbing and accounted for 1/4 of one US state apiece in the poll – felt the same. They were among the 120,469 2- to 3-year-olds surveyed, mostly via e-mails and facebook messages sent to their Smartphones.
“We’re floating right around Florida and up to Georgia when we’re coming to America,” Henry Smith said from his thatched hut in Cuba via Skype. His dad’s a big Neil Diamond fan.
“Mom said if she wanted me to be suffocated with Duct tape and thrown into the woods once I’m dead, we’d try to cross the border in Arizona.”
Florida officials say they’re stunned by the results. A similar poll was conducted in 1995, after Disney World got a pretty sweet Lion King exhibit and “The Hollywood Tower of Terror,” and the Sunshine State earned No. 1.
But that was before it was discovered all a single mother in Florida has to do if she’d rather have random sex and get stupid tattoos than be an actual parent is kill her child and make sure his or her body gets a solid month to decompose before authorities find it.
“We’re confident we can recover from this poll,” Florida Gov. Rick Scott said Tuesday. “We’ve still got the Heat, the heat and a bunch of oranges.
“Plus Universal Studios has always had better rides than Disney World – and Casey Anthony doesn’t really work there.”