I have refreshing news. My version of this blog post is going to be different than the other dozen or so you’ll probably read in the next week. You’ll see.
Here’s what I’d like to see from me in 2013:
More cycling. I’m not sure I can even call myself a cyclist anymore. I’m just a guy with a bunch of bicycles and equipment gathering dust in the garage. I hate this. I always seem to have something I “need” to get done that takes precedence over hitting the road or nailing the trails, but usually, in reality, it’s a matter of not making riding a priority. I could have at least ridden my bike to work a few times per week this year, but I don’t think I did. Of course, it got even worse when I started on an insulin pump, had a few low blood sugars and got too scared to try seriously again.
More writing. I still believe the whole world is conspiring to help me reach my journey’s destination. I don’t care to make a lot of money in the process, but I do need to be living the life of a full-time author. Right now, I am barely a writer … and that is not nearly the same thing.
Less worrying about political stuff. Seriously. This occupies too much of my concentration while affecting my life minimally. I follow government matters in the news and don’t know why. I most enjoy human interest stories in the paper – pieces about real people living, struggling, persevering and loving – but don’t even read those on some days. It’s crazy.
Less worrying in general. While politics is probably my loudest source of needless worry, it isn’t far ahead of the other junk. I have a heck of an imagination and it oftentimes eats me alive before I realize what’s happening and remind myself things will be fine with a little faith in God, myself and others who love me.
Find my physical place. I am not a native of the region in which I live. Not even close; I am reminded every day. While it’s been an experience learning the ways of a different culture, I’m now 30 and just want to be home, no matter where that may be.
Deep breaths. Sometimes I forget to breathe. Sometimes I get so absorbed in my rush to reach my social, spiritual and professional goals simultaneously that I simply run out of breath. I need to inhale as much as I exhale.
Sleep. I don’t get enough. End of story.
Now. Here’s what might be different about my resolutions post. I’m taking full responsibility for not getting them done in 2012.
Cycling: I have to get over my fear of low blood sugar. Not that it isn’t warranted because I’ve had low blood sugars that have led to ambulance rides and MRIs, but refraining from living my life is almost like being dead anyway. Beyond that, part of the reason I haven’t had time to ride is because I haven’t made it. I need to make it in 2013.
Writing: I just need to do it. I have the ability, tools and stuff that’s ready to be published, but not the history of taking action. That will change in 2013.
Political stuff: I get pissed off when I hear Republicans’ take on, well, anything. My frustration reaches the point of being a hampering, preoccupying distraction when I discuss gun control, forign policy or a woman’s right to choose abortion. And why? None of this affects me directly. I don’t think I truly care about any of it as much as I think Republicans are out-of-touch dweebs against public education. There’s really nothing I or God can do to help them. So, consequently, I need to let it go in 2013 … ALL of it.
Worrying in general: Easy. Remember to stop doing it. In the course of my remembering to stop worrying about crap that isn’t going to happen, I can stop forgetting how to …
… take deep breaths! Every hour of every day can be drastically improved by taking in some air, sending it to the bottom of my stomach before releasing it into the wild, along with whatever anguish, anxiety and other negative energy is trapped in my soul. Even a good day can become a great day by doing this.
Finding my place: The most difficult of 2012 will likely be the same in 2013. It comes down to honesty with myself, really. For the sake of my daughter, who’s lived in North Carolina and South Carolina her entire life, I’ve never made a legitimate effort to leave, constantly working to convince myself the Carolinas is the place to be. For some, that is the reality. But not for me – not after six years here. Each time I return to western New York, I am reminded how true that is. By the end of 2013, I hope to live in a place that feels like my final destination or at least be making serious strides toward finding one. Place is too integral to my happiness’ foundation to be left unaddressed.
Sleep: I have to go to bed earlier. There’s no trick to this one.